Lucas by Elna Holst

Author:Elna Holst [Holst, Elna]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: NineStar Press, LGBTQIA+, ff romance, 19th century, Regency, the Romantic era, ladies, pastor, Doctor, Austen continuation, epistolary novel, novel-in-letters, pastiche, queering the canon
Publisher: NineStar Press, LLC
Published: 2020-08-14T22:00:00+00:00

Bath

December, 1815

I am back at my pen, after a few days’ interlude of exemplary behaviour to my husband and hostesses, to Dr Reid, to Lord This and Lady That about town—to everyone, in short, but to her whom it would delight me most to please.

The morning after that tumultuous (wonderful) first night, Mr Collins inquired after my whereabouts during those hours conventionally dedicated to repose, a queer look in his eye which I have not heretofore encountered. I dissembled as best I could, telling him I had fallen asleep on the seat in my closet, overcome with fatigue after the journey, which was, by halves, a species of truth.

I did fall asleep on the seat. I could not countenance going through to him after all, my whole being still aglow with her caresses. He is a short-sighted, buffoon-like man, Eliza, I grant you—but even he could not have failed to detect what was the matter with me.

I averted my gaze, squirming at his tone of displeasure. After we had joined the rest of our party, I contrived to pass Ailsa a billet telling her we must not meet in private while my husband remained under this roof.

I know the precise moment she read it, unfolding it in her napkin where she sat over by Mrs Jenkinson, for her brow darkened, and she excused herself shortly afterwards, much to Lady Catherine’s dissatisfaction.

She has not spoken to me since. Oh, Lizzy, it makes me feel dead inside! Here we are, in such close quarters, and yet further apart even than when we were relative strangers to each other, that first, fateful night at Rosings Park. She should know—she must know how I despise him! How my skin crawls at the very thought of upholding my solemn vows. Why, then, will she torment me? Why will she make the difficult impossible?

I fear desperation shall make me imprudent. I cannot help thinking, if she should chuse to leave with Dr Reid and my husband for Hunsford tomorrow…

It is time to go and take the waters. I will return to this doleful scrawling anon.

*

Night. We have been to take the waters for the fourth time in as many days since our arrival, and much to my surprise, Miss de Bourgh is looking the better for it. Perhaps there is, as the popular opinion goes, something fulsome, at least, about the air here; even though it appears smoky and disagreeable to a country madam like myself. I cannot otherwise account for it, as the water itself is rank and turgid. It leaves a coat around the tongue and the inside of one’s cheeks, which lingers well into evening. I have taken to sipping at it daintily as I receive it under the watchful eye of Lady C.; as soon as she is looking elsewhere, I hastily empty my cup back into the well. William has caught me at it, once or twice, his mouth and forehead creasing in disapprobation.

Well, if he will make himself sick in order to please his patroness, that must stand for him.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.